theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
