is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
