It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this will be a night to untag.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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