Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
