Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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