oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
