Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
