He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
