Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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