That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
