Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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