you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
