I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
