Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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