Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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