Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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