Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
