I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
