I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
