you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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