Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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