I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
