I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
