Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize