life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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