I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I came so hard my ears popped.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
