He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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