Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
