His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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