I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
