maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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