I think I died a long time ago.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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