I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
