just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
