i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
