Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
