you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
