Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
