This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
