my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My balls are so social today.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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