I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
