She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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