Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
