Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
