Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had sex on a roof
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
