Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
