ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
