I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
