sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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