if only i could text you this smell
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
