We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
