if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
