David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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