It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
