Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
