remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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