S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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