can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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