Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
