Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
