I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
