i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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