you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
