Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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