Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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