Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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